Re-gifting. You know. When you receive that candle as a gift, but it smells absolutely horrendous, but you can't stand to throw away a BRAND NEW candle, even though it smells awful. So what do you do? You re-gift it. When it's Aunt Sarah's 50th birthday, you re-wrap it and justify it with, "Well, it really didn't smell THAT bad. Aunt Sarah will love it."
Now think of the best gift you've ever recieved. A puppy. Your first car. Your engagement ring. No matter what it is, it has special significance to you. You cherish it. You take care of it.
Psalm 127:3 (NASB) "...children are a gift from the Lord..."
So now with my thoughts focused on up-coming Mother's Day, I ask: Are you re-gifting your kids?
You say, "What? How dare you insinuate that I would get rid of my kids in the same way I would get rid of a horrendous-smelling candle?" What I mean is, are you "parenting" your child, or are you giving the job to others?
In this day and age, I see so many parents who want to be their child's friend. They are afraid they will "lose" their child if they decide to be "the parent". If this is the role you are taking on, who is parenting (i.e. being an authority figure, giving unconditional love, giving wisdom and guidance, etc) your child? Are you re-gifting your child to his school? To his grandparents? To your church? Why are you afraid to BE THE PARENT? They have plenty of friends. They need a parent.
I also see many parents overly concerned about being "cool" to their kids. They allow age-inappropriate activites to happen because they want to be the cool parent. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying parenting is all about being a dictator to your kids, but I am saying that kids need discipline, boundaries, and rules. If you know you find yourself bending your own morals, standards, or family rules because you don't want your kids to be mad at you, I challenge you to ask yourself if you are helping or hurting your kids. Are you treating them as the priceless gifts that they are?
Matthew 16:26 "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
YOU ARE THE PARENT. Not the church, not the school, not the grandparents--YOU!
I challenge all you parents out there to take an honest look at yourself. Are your children a cherished gift that you love and take care of? Or are you re-gifting your kids?
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
How I Became a Mom...Part 1
As Mother's Day is approaching, I find myself re-living my journey to becoming a mom. My husband and I had been married for 2 years, had both graduated from college, and had full time jobs. We both agreed it was "time".
After a year of trying, we decided to go to a fertility specialist. Tests were done. The results: we both had issues...not good. Actually, after all the tests, our doctor told us that our chances of having our own children were "slim to none". Unless you've been through this, you can't imagine the utter heart-wrenching pain this causes.
What should we do? The options the doctor gave us at the time were fertility drugs or adoption.
Fertility drugs: We just didn't want to go there yet...that's all...
Adoption: Definitely an option, escpecially since I am an adoptee. We began looking into it, but we weren't actually sure it's what we wanted to do.
The option our doctor didn't give us: Prayer. We chose this option.
My husband and I were youth pastors at the time and had a missons trip to Mexico planned. The whole trip I kept smelling things no one else could smell. I had to go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME!!! Come to find out...I was pregnant!
My pregnancy was high risk because I was diagnosed with pre ecclampsia. At 33 weeks I was told to be on bed rest, but I continued to work = BAD IDEA! Because I didn't follow my doctor's advice, Caleb Michael was born at 36 weeks and barely over 5 pounds. But PRAISE GOD, he was with us and he was healthy.
God is good!
After a year of trying, we decided to go to a fertility specialist. Tests were done. The results: we both had issues...not good. Actually, after all the tests, our doctor told us that our chances of having our own children were "slim to none". Unless you've been through this, you can't imagine the utter heart-wrenching pain this causes.
What should we do? The options the doctor gave us at the time were fertility drugs or adoption.
Fertility drugs: We just didn't want to go there yet...that's all...
Adoption: Definitely an option, escpecially since I am an adoptee. We began looking into it, but we weren't actually sure it's what we wanted to do.
The option our doctor didn't give us: Prayer. We chose this option.
My husband and I were youth pastors at the time and had a missons trip to Mexico planned. The whole trip I kept smelling things no one else could smell. I had to go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME!!! Come to find out...I was pregnant!
My pregnancy was high risk because I was diagnosed with pre ecclampsia. At 33 weeks I was told to be on bed rest, but I continued to work = BAD IDEA! Because I didn't follow my doctor's advice, Caleb Michael was born at 36 weeks and barely over 5 pounds. But PRAISE GOD, he was with us and he was healthy.
God is good!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Frustration...
It's something we've all experienced...frustration. Whether it's frustration because your doctor's appointment was at 1:00 and it's now 2:30, or a decision was made that you feel was unfair, or frustration that someone you care about has let you down...the list could go on and on, but in the end, we've all been there.
Frustration is nothing new, and as a Christian, I strive to view things through the eyes of Jesus. Was Jesus ever frustrated? Yes. The Bible may not use that word, but we can see it in his actions. When the money changers were cheating God's people out of their money in the temple, He was so frustrated that He overturned their tables. And this is purely conjecture, but I'm sure there were times when He was frustrated with the disciples. Look at the story of the feeding of the 5,000. The disciples tell him the people are hungry, and what is Jesus's response? "You feed them."
So the question becomes, "How do we handle frustration?" *SIGH* I don't have any magical answers, but I can tell you what I do. First, I know when I'm frustrated, I'm very likely to also be angry. I have to mentally, and sometimes verbally, tell myself to calm down. No good ever comes from rash actions or words. Next, I pray. I don't get fancy. I just tell Jesus how I'm feeling and ask for His help in remembering and applying what I know I should do and to give me wisdom. Then, I strive to obey.
Now listen, I've never audibally heard the voice of God, but I know what His Word, the Bible, says. I don't need to pray and ask God if it's okay for me to gossip about the person I'm frustrated with, because I already know the answer to that. I don't have to pray and ask God if I can lie about a situation to make it sound worse than what it was so I come out looking like the good guy, because I already know that's not ok. But I DO pray and ask God to remind me of these things because I know that in the heat of my anger, I can easily forget.
At the end of my "episode of frustration", I try to evaluate how I responded and make mental "notes-to-self" so that I can learn from what I did--whether positive or negative.
This isn't any kind of "recipe-for-success...it's just what I do. Maybe it'll work for you!
Frustration is nothing new, and as a Christian, I strive to view things through the eyes of Jesus. Was Jesus ever frustrated? Yes. The Bible may not use that word, but we can see it in his actions. When the money changers were cheating God's people out of their money in the temple, He was so frustrated that He overturned their tables. And this is purely conjecture, but I'm sure there were times when He was frustrated with the disciples. Look at the story of the feeding of the 5,000. The disciples tell him the people are hungry, and what is Jesus's response? "You feed them."
So the question becomes, "How do we handle frustration?" *SIGH* I don't have any magical answers, but I can tell you what I do. First, I know when I'm frustrated, I'm very likely to also be angry. I have to mentally, and sometimes verbally, tell myself to calm down. No good ever comes from rash actions or words. Next, I pray. I don't get fancy. I just tell Jesus how I'm feeling and ask for His help in remembering and applying what I know I should do and to give me wisdom. Then, I strive to obey.
Now listen, I've never audibally heard the voice of God, but I know what His Word, the Bible, says. I don't need to pray and ask God if it's okay for me to gossip about the person I'm frustrated with, because I already know the answer to that. I don't have to pray and ask God if I can lie about a situation to make it sound worse than what it was so I come out looking like the good guy, because I already know that's not ok. But I DO pray and ask God to remind me of these things because I know that in the heat of my anger, I can easily forget.
At the end of my "episode of frustration", I try to evaluate how I responded and make mental "notes-to-self" so that I can learn from what I did--whether positive or negative.
This isn't any kind of "recipe-for-success...it's just what I do. Maybe it'll work for you!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A Balancing Act
Do you remember the scene in The Cat in the Hat when the Cat is balancing everything? I often feel as though I’m trying to balance a million things at a time—my family (husband and 3 kids), my job (very time-consuming!), my household (does laundry multiply?), my schoolwork (almost done!), and life in general.
I know what my priorities SHOULD be, but when I look at my life…well, I don’t see my time divided out the same way. Lately I’ve found myself feeling like I need to re-prioritize my life. I’ll be done with my Master’s degree in a little over a month (insert screams of joy and elation here). That alone will free up a lot of my time. But I’m still a wife, mother, pastor’s wife, principal, and teacher. Each of these roles requires time, attention, and a different aspect of who I am. Almost every day I feel like there isn’t enough time in one day. Very often, I see my kids for about 30 minutes in a whole day. I know that’s not healthy for them or me, but I how do I change it? People are always needing my time, attention, thoughts, advice, etc.
I have come to the realization, however, that I have to re-prioritize my time management. I don’t have any answers about how to do this or a 10 step process that will automatically give me results. All I can say for now is that I’m trying.
Do you ever find yourself re-prioritizing? What do you do to stay on track?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Absentee-ism
YIKES!!! It's been way too long since I posted. I wish I had some ginormously good reason...but I don't. Truth is, I've just been busy! I am finishing up my Master's Degree in the next 2 months, and also being a wife, a mom, and having a full time job...well...something had to give.
My last few posts were about love. The next few posts (depending on how much I have time/determine to/have ideas about) will focus on balance. This topic is very personal to me right now as I am trying to learn how to balance life.
I hope to be able to share some insight, personal stories, and hopefully let you know that you're not alone!
My last few posts were about love. The next few posts (depending on how much I have time/determine to/have ideas about) will focus on balance. This topic is very personal to me right now as I am trying to learn how to balance life.
I hope to be able to share some insight, personal stories, and hopefully let you know that you're not alone!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Love is Over Used
“OMG! I love that restaurant!”
“Susie is so funny! I love her!”
“What would I do without my husband? I love him so much!”
“My kids are such a blessing! I love them to pieces!”
Do you ever feel like the word “love” is over used? How can I say I love Inn N Out Burger (YUM!), but I also love my husband? Or I love my children, but I also love my friends? Aren’t those all different kinds of love, yet we use the same word for all of them. I think the Greeks had it right. They had 4 words for love. Did you know that? Each one described a different type of love. Generally speaking, they are thus:
1. Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can also be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. Agape was appropriated by Christians for use to express the unconditional love of God. Before agape love there was no other word to express such great love.
2. Éros (ἔρως érōs[2]) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction."
3. Philia (φιλία philía[3]) means friendship or affectionate love in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.
4. Storge (στοργή storgē[4]) means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in "loving" the tyrant.
Reading the 4 different types of love may give you a different perspective of the types of love you have for different people/things. I challenge you to look at how you SHOULD love people and how you ACTUALLY love people. Keep in mind you may love a person in more than one way. For example, I love my husband in the philia way, the eros way, the storge way, and I strive to love him in the agape way. But if I only loved him in the philia way, then I have a problem! I challenge you to look at the 4 types of love and how they apply to your life!
“Susie is so funny! I love her!”
“What would I do without my husband? I love him so much!”
“My kids are such a blessing! I love them to pieces!”
Do you ever feel like the word “love” is over used? How can I say I love Inn N Out Burger (YUM!), but I also love my husband? Or I love my children, but I also love my friends? Aren’t those all different kinds of love, yet we use the same word for all of them. I think the Greeks had it right. They had 4 words for love. Did you know that? Each one described a different type of love. Generally speaking, they are thus:
1. Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can also be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. Agape was appropriated by Christians for use to express the unconditional love of God. Before agape love there was no other word to express such great love.
2. Éros (ἔρως érōs[2]) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction."
3. Philia (φιλία philía[3]) means friendship or affectionate love in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.
4. Storge (στοργή storgē[4]) means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in "loving" the tyrant.
Reading the 4 different types of love may give you a different perspective of the types of love you have for different people/things. I challenge you to look at how you SHOULD love people and how you ACTUALLY love people. Keep in mind you may love a person in more than one way. For example, I love my husband in the philia way, the eros way, the storge way, and I strive to love him in the agape way. But if I only loved him in the philia way, then I have a problem! I challenge you to look at the 4 types of love and how they apply to your life!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Guard Your <3
Have you ever heard the expression to “guard your heart”? It comes from the Bible: Proverbs 4:23 says “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” There is so much truth in this verse! There are so many things that will try to worm their way into our hearts: financial stress, trouble with your spouse, difficulties with your children, job security, “stuff” that we think we need, and so much more.
The first part of Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else…”. How do I guard my heart? Do you remember this Sunday School song:
“Be careful little eyes what you see. Be careful little eyes what you see. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little eyes what you see.
Be careful little ears what you hear. Be careful little ears what you hear. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little ears what you hear.
Be careful little mouth what you say. Be careful little mouth what you say. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little mouth what you say.
Be careful little feet where you go. Be careful little feet where you go. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little feet where you go.”
There’s a lot of truth to that song. But how does it apply to guarding your heart? I’m so glad you asked! You guard your heart by being aware of what/where you’re allowing yourself to see, hear, say, and go. If you struggle with gossiping, you should be aware of who you hang out with. Are they gossipers? Do they talk in a way you would be ashamed to have Jesus listen to if He were standing there? Then stay away! If you struggle with intimacy, be careful that you don’t allow your heart to be swayed by another’s attentions. Do you respond to another’s attentions in a way that you would be ashamed of if Jesus were standing there with you? Then stay away! If you struggle with sexual impurity, be careful that you do not allow yourself to view ungodly things or go into businesses that would poison your mind with things you don’t need to see/know about. Would you be ashamed of watching things at home or on the internet/going into that business establishment if Jesus were with you? Then stay away!
The job of a body guard is to, at all costs, keep someone safe—keep shifty people away, be on the lookout for potential dangers, or even dodge a bullet if needed. Are you a body guard to your own heart? Do you keep your heart safe, at ALL COSTS??? Are you watching for shifty people, potential dangers, or willing to dodge a bullet for the safety of your heart? For me, I have to be honest to say that’s a difficult question.
It’s interesting to note, that the following verses in Proverbs (verses 24-27) are: “Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. (Be careful little mouth what you say) Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. (Be careful little eyes what you see) Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. (Be careful little feet where you go)”
The second part of Proverbs 4:23 says, “…for it determines the course of your life”. Wow…that’s a powerful statement! The choice to guard my heart or to let any intruder in, will determine the course of my life. What if you allowed intruders into your home to steal whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted? Wouldn’t that affect every part of your life? Eventually, you would have nothing left. Now apply the analogy to your heart. If you allow everything/everyone into your heart that tries to intrude (negativity, gossip, greed, ___________ fill in the blank with your personal struggle), then you allow these things to come in and steal your heart. And eventually, you will be left with nothing.
There is another old song that says, “Guard your heart. As a payment for pleasure, it’s a high price to pay.” Take a minute to think about that! It’s so easy to give our hearts away, but at what price? I challenge you to guard your heart! And remember, in all things, Jesus IS with us, whether we choose to acknowledge His presence or not.
The first part of Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else…”. How do I guard my heart? Do you remember this Sunday School song:
“Be careful little eyes what you see. Be careful little eyes what you see. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little eyes what you see.
Be careful little ears what you hear. Be careful little ears what you hear. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little ears what you hear.
Be careful little mouth what you say. Be careful little mouth what you say. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little mouth what you say.
Be careful little feet where you go. Be careful little feet where you go. For the Father up above is looking down with love, be careful little feet where you go.”
There’s a lot of truth to that song. But how does it apply to guarding your heart? I’m so glad you asked! You guard your heart by being aware of what/where you’re allowing yourself to see, hear, say, and go. If you struggle with gossiping, you should be aware of who you hang out with. Are they gossipers? Do they talk in a way you would be ashamed to have Jesus listen to if He were standing there? Then stay away! If you struggle with intimacy, be careful that you don’t allow your heart to be swayed by another’s attentions. Do you respond to another’s attentions in a way that you would be ashamed of if Jesus were standing there with you? Then stay away! If you struggle with sexual impurity, be careful that you do not allow yourself to view ungodly things or go into businesses that would poison your mind with things you don’t need to see/know about. Would you be ashamed of watching things at home or on the internet/going into that business establishment if Jesus were with you? Then stay away!
The job of a body guard is to, at all costs, keep someone safe—keep shifty people away, be on the lookout for potential dangers, or even dodge a bullet if needed. Are you a body guard to your own heart? Do you keep your heart safe, at ALL COSTS??? Are you watching for shifty people, potential dangers, or willing to dodge a bullet for the safety of your heart? For me, I have to be honest to say that’s a difficult question.
It’s interesting to note, that the following verses in Proverbs (verses 24-27) are: “Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. (Be careful little mouth what you say) Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. (Be careful little eyes what you see) Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. (Be careful little feet where you go)”
The second part of Proverbs 4:23 says, “…for it determines the course of your life”. Wow…that’s a powerful statement! The choice to guard my heart or to let any intruder in, will determine the course of my life. What if you allowed intruders into your home to steal whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted? Wouldn’t that affect every part of your life? Eventually, you would have nothing left. Now apply the analogy to your heart. If you allow everything/everyone into your heart that tries to intrude (negativity, gossip, greed, ___________ fill in the blank with your personal struggle), then you allow these things to come in and steal your heart. And eventually, you will be left with nothing.
There is another old song that says, “Guard your heart. As a payment for pleasure, it’s a high price to pay.” Take a minute to think about that! It’s so easy to give our hearts away, but at what price? I challenge you to guard your heart! And remember, in all things, Jesus IS with us, whether we choose to acknowledge His presence or not.
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