***If you have just started reading my blog, may I suggest that you read my earlier blog postings? The train of thought I am on is not actually about gemstones, but something much deeper.***
In my series on “The 4 C’s”, I am now on the 4th and final C: Carat. The carat of a diamond refers to the weight of the gemstone. The heavier/larger it is, the more valuable it is considered to be. Boy, oh boy, do women know about carats! When someone gets engaged, one of the first questions is usually, “What does your ring look like?” and very often followed by, “How big is your ring?” Why? Because it is so easy to feel that what we have on the outside is a reflection of who we are on the inside. An example in this case: Big Diamond = Big money or Big Diamond = Big Love. We want to “look” like we have a lot of money, or “look” like we are REALLY in love hence we can afford a big diamond or because we have a big diamond, someone must have really loved us. So is the opposite true? Just because you have a small diamond, you are loved less? We all know that that’s absolutely ridiculous. Love is from the heart, not from things, and the intent behind the giving of the ring is what matters most.
Why are we so pre-occupied with the outward appearance of things? As I look to myself, I have to be honest enough to say that I am very often preoccupied with my outward appearance. Do I love to have “sparkle” in my life? YES! And if you know me at all, you know that I LOVE purses and shoes. I have to constantly re-evaluate myself. Is there anything innately wrong with having those things? No. But do I need those things? (Deep, steadying breath to self)…NO. The things that I have and how I look on the outside are not who I truly am. (Meaning: Lots of sparkle + nice purses + nice shoes does NOT EQUAL a good version of me.)
I have to know where my true self-worth comes from. I realize that I can’t answer for everyone, but I know where my self-worth comes from (or WHO my self-worth comes from). It has taken me years of learning the hard way to realize that it doesn’t matter what those around me think of me. I have to be who God has created me to be. Will I make mistakes? ABSOLUTELY, ALL THE TIME! But if I have done my best to make amends, ask for forgiveness, and move on and other people can’t see past my mistakes, hold grudges, or will not forgive, I cannot allow the reactions of others to control my life. I know that I can’t (and I don't) expect people I’ve wronged to act like nothing has happened. When I mess up, I know that there are consequences and a healing process must occur. But I must also control and balance my outlook on life and choose not to focus all of my time and energy on people who are negative, judgmental, finger-pointers, or those can’t get past the past.
If there were such a thing as a “personal carat weight” that measured me, would I be valuable? YES! Because just like with the giving of a diamond engagement ring, where the worth is not in the size, but in the intent of the heart that is giving it, so it is true with my life. My worth is not in the “size” of my life (however you choose to define size), but in the intent of my heart. Who I truly am, or the “carat size” of my worth is in who God made me to be.
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