Ego Check #1

Proverbs 25:17 - Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house - too much of you, and he will hate you.

I read this verse the other day and actually laughed out loud...because it's true.  As much as we want to be wanted, sometimes we can be too pushy.  As humans, we tend to push our way into friendships and relationships that aren't good for us.  We push to get our own way.  We honk our horn when someone makes us wait 5 whole seconds (*gasp!) after the red light turns to green.  We all need space sometimes.  If a friend is acting "distant", don't take it personally.  Let them know that you're there for them, and then give them space (i.e. back off). 

My best friend through high school and college and I had this down to a science!  We were ALWAYS together.  In college, we were either sleeping at my house or hers.  We took classes together.  Our breaks were together.  We hung out with our boyfriends together.  We pretty much shared all of our clothes.  We TP'd people's houses together...you know, all the normal stuff BFF's do.  :)  But every so often, enough was enough.  We would back off for about a week...sleep at our own houses.  We would go out with our boyfriends alone instead of double dating.  Then, we would start all over again with hanging out 24/7.  Neither of us got our feelings hurt.  We knew it wasn't personal, we just needed some space.

So this verse made me laugh, as it is a not-so-subtle-reminder that we can be annoying too.

Give people space when they need it.

The End.

The Witness Protection Program

What do you think of when you hear the word "Witness"?  Many Christians will think of things like, "spreading the gospel", "preaching to the lost", or "to tell people about God".  And while these are great Sunday School answers, that's not really what "witnessing" is.

Just take the word "witness".  A person who witnesses a crime was there when the incident happened.  They experienced part of the story.  When you watch the news, they don't interview a friend of a friend who "saw the whole thing happen".  They want the the person who was there.

The thing about people who have witnessed a crime is that they're human.  They will see things from different perspectives.  They will have past experiences that may play a role in how they viewed the crime.  An ex-police officer will see things differently than a nurse will.  Do you see (witness) what God is doing in your life each day?

As Christians, it's easy to tell other people's story.  But what's YOUR story?  How did God change YOU?  It's great to be encouraged by the stories and lives of others, but what have YOU witnessed?  Have you become so stagnant in your walk with God that you no longer know how to share what God has done for you?  Or worse, have you failed to see how God is in your life and how He is working?  Or worse yet, have you abandoned your relationship with God for the day-to-day "Christian Acts" of doing the right thing?  Do you solely rely on the stories and experiences of others to drive your faith?  Or ARE YOU WINTESSING NEW THINGS ABOUT GOD EVERYDAY?  That's where I want to be.  I admit that I'm not there now.  But I want to be there.  Because to "be there", means that I have new and fresh experiences with God each day.  To "be there" means that I am daily surrendering my selfishness for His will.  And you know what?  When I do that, no matter what the obstacles, He promises to be a shield around me -- my protection. 

Psalm 3:1-4

Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.

But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.

David wrote the above Psalm while his own son, Absalom, was trying to kill him.  Boy, talk about a time in his life when he probably felt like he wasn't "witnessing" God's love.  Even though at the time he wrote this he was "witnessing" a lot extremely difficult situations, he also was "witnessing" God's protection.  

What have you witnessed?

It's That Time of Year...

"I would buy you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."  Who knows what movie that's from?  It's one of my favs!

Well...it's time for school to begin.  I say it every year, but this summer went by FAST!  I can't complain though.  I was able to spend some quality time with my kids, hubby, and even my parents!

As the school year begins, I probably won't be blogging as much as I normally do.  I'll do my best to post when possible, but no promises.  :)  Life gets crazy when school starts, but it's an "exciting-kind-of-crazy". There are the new school supplies to buy, backpacks to pick out, snacks and food for lunches, and most importantly (to the kids): new shoes.

There are always new challenges as each school year begins.  Right now, my family is facing some personal challenges.  We are trusting God to provide what we need.  If you think of us, I would appreciate some extra prayers sent our way.  Until then, we will:

Trust in the Lord with all your (our) heart(s)
    and lean not on your (our) own understanding;
⁶ in all your (our) ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make your (our) paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5,6

Deep Breath...My Own Personal Challenge

^{I Peter 3:3-5
3} Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.


Wow.  I'm gonna be honest...These verses are a personal challenge for me.  Let's be real...I like outward adornment, wearing jewelry, and fine clothes.  I've always liked to look nice.  I like jewelry, clothes, purses, and shoes.

Does having this stuff mean that I'm un-Godly?  Heavens, no!  (No pun intended...)

There is nothing innately wrong with outward adornment, wearing jewelry, or fine clothes.  The question here is, "Where is your beauty found?"  Do you count on perfect make-up, coordinated accessories, expensive purses, your version of a "perfect body", or fancy clothes to define you?  Or is your beauty found in who you are and WHOSE you are?  The way you choose to see the world.  The way you choose to respond to difficult situations. Who you choose to model yourself after.  In real-life situations, nice clothes, jewelry, purses, and shoes will not help me see the world the way I should.  They will not help me respond to difficult situations in a Godly manner.  And those nice "things" are not the measurement of my integrity. 

My beauty should come from my inner self. 


Now, this does NOT mean that I'm going to start ignoring how I look, dress in unflattering clothing, and stop wearing make-up (that might scare small children!).  But I AM going to focus on beautifying WHO I AM, with less focus on HOW I LOOK.  

This is my own personal challenge:  To be sure I don't overlook my inside in a quest to perfect my outside.  In fact, to focus on my inner beauty.  To take time to truly reflect on the person I am now and the person I strive to be. 

Where do you find beauty?

On Adoption: Part 2 "DON'T ADOPT!"

There are some who just don't understand adoption.  I've actually heard people say, "If I can't have my own baby, then maybe I just won't have kids.  I could never raise someone else's child." Or, "I'll always know she/he isn't really my flesh and blood."  Or, "I just can't see how it's the same as having my own baby."

Speaking as an adoptee, let me be frank.  If that's how you feel, I'm asking you NOT to adopt. 

If you can't see that baby/child as your own baby/child, then DON'T ADOPT. 

If you feel that you're doing the world a favor and that adopting makes you "Humanitarian of the Year", then DON'T ADOPT. 

If you have children that are biologically your children and you don't think you can treat an adopted child the same, then DON'T ADOPT.

If you are adopting to simply "remove a child from a bad situation", but are not longing for a child to love, teach, and raise, then DON'T ADOPT.

If you are not willing to understand and deal with a child who may have issues with their identity later in life (which btw, is an issue not limited to adoptees), then DON'T ADOPT. 

If you are looking for a child to "fit your mold" and are not willing to understand that this child may come with emotional and spiritual baggage (and btw, who doesn't have baggage?), then DON'T ADOPT.

BUT...

If you are willing to lovingly, openly, and whole-heartedly, accept this child into your home as your own flesh and blood, then PLEASE ADOPT.

If you are willing to not only accept any emotional or spiritual baggage, but to do whatever it takes to help them work through their baggage, then PLEASE ADOPT.

If you are longing for a child to love, teach, and raise as your own, then PLEASE ADOPT.

Please understand.  I'm not looking down at people who may feel like they can't adopt.  It's not for everyone.  I'm simply saying that if you can't fulfill the requirements of a "PARENT", regardless of genetics, or if adoption is something you "really don't want to do" but it's the only way for you to have children, PLEASE re-think adoption, or pray and ask the Lord to change you heart regarding adoption.  

Adopting is NOT about practicing Christian charity.  (Although I DO believe that God blesses adoption.)  It's about creating a family. 

On Adoption: Part 1

Adoption.  It gets a bad rap/wrap/rep...you know what I mean.  Anyways...how many times has a frustrated or angry sibling told a fellow sibling they were adopted?  It's in movies and stories quite often.

What's so wrong with being adopted?  It means that a mother or couple decided they weren't able to care for a child, and instead of terminating a life, they chose to give that child a new life...a life where hope was possible. 

These, often single mothers, are categorized as "irresponsible", "immature", "irrational" people.  Well who hasn't been irresponsible, immature, or irrational at some point in their lifetime?  Is it irresponsible, immature, and irrational to get pregnant when you aren't able to care for a child?  YES.  But choosing to carry a child, feel that child growing inside of you, connect with that child, and then be able to give that child away because you realize someone else would do what you, at the moment, are unable to do takes INTENSE responsibility, maturity, and rational thought. 

Don't be so quick to cast lots.  Be slow to speak (judgement).  Be quick to listen (to people's stories).  Because "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

Believe me.  I know.  (More to come...)

Murder & Arson

Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue can bring death or life."

I recently re-read this verse.  It's one I've read often enough, but this time it hit me a little differently.

My words can kill. 

And if that's true, and I'm speaking gossip, slander, etc., then I'm speaking death.

"Oh My Gosh (stab)!  Did you hear about so-and-so (stab)?  She's been sleepin' around with so-and-so (stab)!  Can you believe it (stab)?!?!  What kind of self-respecting person would do that (stab)?  I would NEVER do anything like that (stab)!  She better get herself some self-respect (stab)!"

If I believe the Bible (and I do), and if I'm speaking this way about ANYONE, I am a murderer.

This led me to re-read James 3:10- "How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell."

Living in NM, we are all too aware of how dangerous small sparks can be. Very recently, we have been infested with foul-smelling smoke from our precious, and might I add too-few, trees burning down in the Bosque and surrounding areas.  These fires are often started by a small spark-- someone carelessly lighting fireworks, a stray cigarette butt thrown out a window, or leftover and forgotten ashes from a campfire. 

This verse in James is comparing negative words to a small spark.  It brings to mind, gossip...how one small, deragatory remark is so easily carried and distorted to new and interested listeners.  And then there are more listeners (the spark becomes a small flame), and more listeners (the flame grows and spreads), and more listeners (fire!)...until the story is burning wildly out of control and causing grave destruction.

So if I'm spreading gossip, I'm sparking a flame, which creates an unlawful fire.  I am an arsonist.

Words = death and uncontrolled fire.    OR    Words = life and continued growth.

Just my perspective.

Lord, help my tongue to bring life; never death.

I Have A Heart Condition...And So Do You...

Do you ever daydream about what you "should have said" to the rude person in the grocery store who cut you off with their shopping cart when you clearly had the right-of-way?  Or the man who acted like you knew NOTHING about cars (nevermind that it might, could, most likely is true...) when you went to get the oil changed? 

How do you respond?  Do you verbally vomit all over them (click HERE for more on that) or can you walk away uneffected? 

Lately, this is something that I've been working on in my own life.  At first, I thought to myself, "I really need to be careful of the things I say."  And while that's all well and good, the more I thought, prayed, and honestly reflected within myself, I came to the realization that it's a LOT more than that.  It's not just "watching what I say."  It's being aware of my heart condition. 

Yes, I have a heart condition.  It's not an arrhythmia or coronary heart disease.  It's a heart that constantly needs to be cleaned.  (Psalm 51:10 says, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.")

Matthew 12:34 says, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." 

If my heart's condition is full of negativity, judgement, gossip, slander, and the like, then guess what's going to come out of my mouth?  Negativity, Judgement, Gossip, Slander, and the like. 

So instead of "watching what I say", I'm doing my best to keep my heart clean.  How?  By prayer, reading my Bible, and surrounding myself with positive influences in my life.  And if I find myself saying things I know I shouldn't, it's a sure sign that my heart is in need of some cleaning.

How's your heart condition?

Throw-Up

It's nasty.  No one likes to do it.  It leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

Our words can be like throw-up. 

If you let all of your bad thoughts, feelings, and ideas build up inside of you, they WILL eventually come out. You may find yourself suddenly spewing out all of those negative thoughts, feelings, and ideas that you've been holding in-- it may be directed at  your spouse, your kids, your co-workers, or your friends.  When it's all over, you'll probably feel better, but that person you love is standing there in your verbal throw-up.  Not a pretty picture.

I think we've all found ourselves ready to verbally puke all over someone.  And the thing is, the "someone" you just vomited all over probably isn't even the person who's been upsetting you...most likely, they just happened to "be there". 

Do you have an outlet for your feelings so you don't find yourself in this situation? 

Here are some of the things that work for me:

1.  Prayer- I know...so  cliche!  But sometimes just a quick, "Lord, help me control my mouth!" does wonders!

2.  Removing myself from the stressful situation.  Sometimes I just have to mentally tell myself, "Walk away.  Don't do it."

3.  Retail Therapy.  Laugh if you want, but it works for me!  Maybe it's because it's something I truly enjoy, so it helps neutralize the negative thoughts running rampantly through my brain.

4.  Talk to someone.  Sometimes you just have to talk to someone completely outside of the situation.  They (hopefully) can help you see the situation from other points of view and talk you through it.  For me, this is often my mom or my sister.  They live 1/2 way across the country and are usually not the source of my angst.  (P.S. "Angst" is a fun word to say, which is weird, because "angst" implies that something is not fun.  Sorry...off the subject.)

5.  Take a deep, cleansing breath.  I know it sounds ridiculously simple, but it can give you just enough time to calm your thoughts.

6.  Bite your tongue.  Literally.  Sometimes, when I'm really upset and want to verbally vomit all over someone, I literally have to bite my tongue so I don't say something I'll regret later.  This happens all too often.  Note to self:  I should probably invest in Orajel.

These are not, by any means, "THE answer" to stopping verbal diarrhea, but it's a start.  The point is to find what works for you.

A silly example of this from the movie Puss In Boots is when Humpty Dumpty says, "Little Boy Blue, remember: When you feel like you're going to blow your top, blow your horn instead."

Psalm 19:14 says, "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." -- If you've meditated on it in your heart, it's going to come out in your words. 

Find a healthy and constructive way to handle it.

What do you do when you feel like you're going to blow your top?

The Big Weigh In

Diamond, a photo by Kevin H. on Flickr.

***If you have just started reading my blog, may I suggest that you read my earlier blog postings? The train of thought I am on is not actually about gemstones, but something much deeper.***

In my series on “The 4 C’s”, I am now on the 4th and final C: Carat. The carat of a diamond refers to the weight of the gemstone. The heavier/larger it is, the more valuable it is considered to be. Boy, oh boy, do women know about carats! When someone gets engaged, one of the first questions is usually, “What does your ring look like?” and very often followed by, “How big is your ring?” Why? Because it is so easy to feel that what we have on the outside is a reflection of who we are on the inside. An example in this case: Big Diamond = Big money or Big Diamond = Big Love. We want to “look” like we have a lot of money, or “look” like we are REALLY in love hence we can afford a big diamond or because we have a big diamond, someone must have really loved us. So is the opposite true? Just because you have a small diamond, you are loved less? We all know that that’s absolutely ridiculous. Love is from the heart, not from things, and the intent behind the giving of the ring is what matters most.

Why are we so pre-occupied with the outward appearance of things? As I look to myself, I have to be honest enough to say that I am very often preoccupied with my outward appearance. Do I love to have “sparkle” in my life? YES! And if you know me at all, you know that I LOVE purses and shoes. I have to constantly re-evaluate myself. Is there anything innately wrong with having those things? No. But do I need those things? (Deep, steadying breath to self)…NO. The things that I have and how I look on the outside are not who I truly am. (Meaning: Lots of sparkle + nice purses + nice shoes does NOT EQUAL a good version of me.)

I have to know where my true self-worth comes from. I realize that I can’t answer for everyone, but I know where my self-worth comes from (or WHO my self-worth comes from). It has taken me years of learning the hard way to realize that it doesn’t matter what those around me think of me. I have to be who God has created me to be. Will I make mistakes? ABSOLUTELY, ALL THE TIME! But if I have done my best to make amends, ask for forgiveness, and move on and other people can’t see past my mistakes, hold grudges, or will not forgive, I cannot allow the reactions of others to control my life. I know that I can’t (and I don't) expect people I’ve wronged to act like nothing has happened.  When I mess up, I know that there are consequences and a healing process must occur.  But I must also control and balance my outlook on life and choose not to focus all of my time and energy on people who are negative, judgmental, finger-pointers, or those can’t get past the past.

If there were such a thing as a “personal carat weight” that measured me, would I be valuable? YES! Because just like with the giving of a diamond engagement ring, where the worth is not in the size, but in the intent of the heart that is giving it, so it is true with my life. My worth is not in the “size” of my life (however you choose to define size), but in the intent of my heart. Who I truly am, or the “carat size” of my worth is in who God made me to be.

Coal vs. Diamond

FIVE WOUNDS, a photo by dan hallett illustrator on Flickr.

***If you have just started reading my blog, may I suggest that you read my earlier blog postings? The train of thought I am on is not actually about gemstones, but something much deeper.***

***WARNING*** The “geology geek” in me is about to peek out a smidgen, but PLEASE endure and read my post…I hope that it will challenge and encourage you!

Forgive me as I take a different path for this post regarding “The 4 C’s”. My final post on “Carat” is coming soon. Did you know that coal and diamonds are made of the same thing? Carbon. The black lumps that we threaten to give naughty children at Christmas and the sparkly gems that women yearn for and men go broke over are both carbon. What’s the difference? It all depends on where they are formed. If a lump of coal finds itself (approximately) 80 miles below the surface of the earth, over time, the coal will transform into a diamond. What are the catalysts for change? Heat and Pressure. The heat comes from the Earth’s core, while the pressure comes from the 80 miles of earth + gravity pressing down on it.

Coal + 80 (or more) miles below the surface + heat + pressure + time = DIAMOND (ta-da!)

With all of my faults, I can so very easily relate to the coal. I can see others, who are “made of the same stuff” I am, but they sparkle and shine. What’s the difference? How can I transform from the lump of coal I feel that I am, into the gem I want to be? Heat and Pressure. Just like a lump of coal requires heat and pressure to transform into a valuable diamond, my life requires heat and pressure to refine me. When “the heat is on” can I make the right choices in difficult situations? And when the pressures of the world are weighing me down, I have to be strong enough to withstand the elements to become the gem I was created to be. It isn’t easy, but I have faith that the result will be worth the wait and prove much more valuable in the end.

II Corinthians 5:17 -- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone! The new has come.

Can you withstand the heat and pressure?

I Hear You, Loud and Clear!

***If you have just started reading my blog, may I suggest that you read my earlier blog postings? The train of thought I am on is not actually about gemstones, but something much deeper.***

Continuing my discussion on “The 4 C’s” (please see earlier postings), I am now to explore Clarity.  Where a diamond is concerned, the clarity refers to the amount of, or lack of, defects in the diamond.  These defects are typically miniscule pieces of carbon that appear as black spots/specks when looked at through a jeweler’s magnifier.  The more “spots” there are in the diamond, the less valuable it is considered to be.

Clarity is something we can all appreciate; clarity in where we stand in relationships, clarity in what is expected of us on the job, clarity in the paths our lives are heading, and even clarity in the glass of water we’re about to drink—there aren’t very many people who want to guzzle down a glass of muddy water!  But let’s be honest, clarity is hard to come by.  I remember when I was kid; I wanted to be a nurse, then a geologist, then an archaeologist, then a marine biologist.  I finally settled on becoming a teacher, but it took time for the path of my life to become clear to me. 

I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I were a diamond, I would not have a good rating when it comes to clarity.  The gem that is my life has “spots” and scars scattered throughout it from the trials in my life.  When my husband and I were 2 poor college students looking at engagement rings, we knew a colorless diamond with perfect clarity was way beyond our budget.  But one jeweler said something that has always stuck with me.  He said that perfect clarity isn’t always the best. (Say what???) He went on to explain that each diamond’s “spots” make it unique.  Just like each person in the world has unique fingerprints, each diamond has unique marks.  If you know what to look for, you can always spot your diamond if you learn to know its markings.  As he showed me the carbon specks in my diamond, he explained that it was these spots that would make my diamond stand out from others, if I just knew what to look for.

I have so many spots in the gem that is my life: past hurts, mistakes, carelessly spoken words, and many, many more.  I could sit and bemoan my spots and how they decrease my value.  But if I risk a new perspective, I see that my spots make me who I am.  Each spot marks the place where Christ has come along side me.  And as I allowed Him to intervene, He has transformed my flaws into marks that make me unique to Him.

I value my spots, do you?

Can You Make the Cut?

71 pt. WHITE .jpg, a photo by artdoc865 on Flickr.

***If you have just started reading my blog, may I suggest that you read my earlier blog postings? The train of thought I am on is not actually about gemstones, but something much deeper.***


As I continue my thoughts on "The 4 C's" (please see earlier postings), I find myself on Cut. Gems are cut to enhance their beauty and overall “sparkle”. There are many cuts, or shapes, of gemstones; round (or brilliant), princess, marquis, pear shaped, trillion, or even heart shaped.


The picture on this post shows a raw or uncut diamond. Diamonds in this state have value, but not as much as a cut diamond. Why? To cut the diamond makes it smaller, yet it still adds value? As facets are cut they allow the true beauty and color of the gemstone to show. It is important to note that cutting a raw diamond is risky. What if the gem-cutter makes the cut too deep or too shallow? What if the gem-cutter makes a cut in the wrong place?


As I look at my life, I am like the raw diamond. I know there are things that I must cut out of my life; negativity, judgment towards others, my thoughts that stray, and in some cases, people, as well as many other things—things that I have become comfortable with. And while cutting these things out of my life is risky, every cut adds a new facet to my life that contributes to my overall “sparkle”. I trust my “Gem-Cutter” to guide me in making the cuts that will allow my true beauty and color to show, do you?


Can you make the cut?

Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend

Any girl who has looked at engagement rings (or loves some "sparkle" in her life) has been educated on "The 4 C's" of a diamond:  Color, Cut, Clarity, and Carat.  Over the next few days, I will be reflecting on how each of these 4 areas relate to me and the facets of my life.

Today, I will discuss Color.  When speaking of diamonds, the more colorless a diamond is, the more valuable it is.  The GIA has developed a scale that rates a diamond between a D-Z.  A "D" rating is colorless, or the best.  As I look at the facets of my life, I have to ask myself if I have a "D" rating.  Do I allow unwholesome things to add impurities to who I am, and thus effect my "sparkle"?  What kinds of things have the potential to add impurities to the gem God has created me to be?  My past, my ever-present weaknesses, allowing the opinions of others to shape me, and the list could go on and on. 

I am very clearly (pardon the pun), not colorless.  How can I still shine?  Proverbs 27:19 says, "As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart."  I examine the way I live my life, and thus, my heart.  I know I will never be perfect, but I strive to keep my heart in a place to reflect Christ.  So how do I shine?  The answer is simple.  I don't.  Just like a diamond does not have a source of light and cannot shine until light is pointed through it, I don't shine unless I allow Christ to be my source of light and allow HIM to shine through me. 

How do you shine?