It’s Lonely at the Top…or in the middle, at the bottom, ¾ of the way up, ½ way down, across the country, in the next room…you get the point

Do you ever feel like you’re all alone?  I have and often still do.  Sometimes one area of loneliness hits me harder than other areas, and sometimes they all hit simultaneously.  For starters, my husband, kids, and I (New Mexico) live completely across the country from our family (Michigan).  This area hit the hardest when we first moved out here.  We had lived here about 2 months and my grandma passed away.  I had just started a new job and wasn’t able to make it home for the funeral.  The next time this hit was when I had each of my 3 kids.  Family came out each time to stay with us, but that isn’t the same as having them here all the time.  This area hit me again today, as I received word that a family member passed away, and I am too far away to be there with my family.  I suppose that is what is prompting me to write this particular entry.

Other times I feel lonely because of how others see me.  I hold various leadership positions, and that makes me “un-touchable” or “un-hang-out-able” (yes, I made that word up) or “un-friend-able” (yep, made that word up too) to some.  Don’t get me wrong--I’m not whining about it—it’s just the way things are sometimes.  I get it. 

Sometimes I’m lonely because of my own faults.  In some cases it was because I was selfish.  Yes.  I was selfish.  My life became too busy/important for what my friends needed from me (it was unintentional, but it happened, nonetheless).  Because of this, I must live with certain areas of loneliness (areas where missing friends are).  I can't change the past, but I have learned from the past and am changing myself.  Other times, people haven’t been able to see past my faults.  I get that too.  I may not agree, but I get it.

I know this entry has seemed pretty depressing.  Sorry.  Here’s the up side:

God has provided us with friends that are family to us down here.  We have friends that have prayed with us, helped us, loved our kids, loved us, hung out with us like normal people, and understood us as people, not our positions.  I can’t even tell you how much that has meant to us.  I know that as a Christian, the “church” answer is that “You’re never alone; you always have Jesus”.  Even though I know that’s true, I have to be honest and say, that there’s something about having people too.  I love my family, and I am blessed that God has provided us with friends who are family to us here in New Mexico. 

If you struggle with loneliness, may I suggest a few things?  1) Examine yourself.  I try to do this often because it’s so easy to point the finger; I try to see my part in it.  Could I be more outgoing?  Have I offended someone (intentionally or not?)  2) Stretch yourself.  Whether that’s getting over shyness and asking another couple/potential friend to grab some coffee, or joining a book club—stretch yourself.  3)  Be open.  Be willing to accept people where they’re at and be open to the fact that they have strengths, weaknesses, and faults.  But hey, don’t you too?  4)  Be understanding.  Have you heard the saying “Be all things to all people”?  It isn’t possible, so please don’t expect someone to be “all things and all people” to you.  Understand that though they may be support to you, they have struggles too and may need your support.  5)  Be Honest.  Tell your friends if you need them--even if you have to tell them everyday, over and over.  (That's what friends are for!)  It's hard for a friend to fulfill expectations if they don't know/aren't sure that expectations have been placed on them. (Hope that made sense!)  6)  Above all, remember that people are people—we all need each other, but none of us are perfect people, perfect friends, or perfect family members. 

This is the part where I should add a nice paragraph that sums everything up, but I feel that I'm still learning this process myself.  So, THE END.